How To Act At Work

How to Act At Work Today: November 9th

North Carolina

You’ve probably been at work for an hour already just so you don’t miss an opportunity to catch any Duke or State fan as they walk in the door, but here goes …

Clear your entire calendar. Hold all of your calls. You’re going to spend your day alternating between taking laps around the office to gloat, or sending emails with the subject line of “URGENT” and the body reading “Hey UNC just scored again”. Be a dick today, you’ve earned it. And the best part? No one can even say “wait until basketball season”.

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NC State

You won, so congrats on that. There’s no way you bring up football in the office today because that’s just an invitation for your UNC co-workers to yell “HOW BOUT DEM HEELZ”. Probably best to just lay low and talk quietly with your Duke co-workers about Dan Kane and Fats Thomas just to have some sort of emotional release because the next month is going to suck for you.

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You can’t just call out sick because that’s too obvious. You actually have to make your co-workers think you’re legitimately sick, and there’s only one way to make that happen. Walk into your first meeting and say “Hey guys, congrats to the Tar Heels but please lay off a little because I haven’t been feeling goo…” and then …

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Trust me, it’s the only way.

East Carolina

See #1, because let’s face it, you’ve already switched teams.

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