The Dab is dead: Long live the RAB.
Covering this bowl game was simple from jumpstreet – it’s all about the numbers. And since SC8 is your home for catchy and innovative reporting, here’s the “By the Numbers” rundown of UNC v Baylor in this year’s Russell Athletic Bowl.
427: Hours spent driving from SC8 Headquarters to Orlando.
419: hours spent driving in South Carolina traffic on I95 South. Related: Walterboro may be the single most decrepit town in America.
3: consecutive Mariah Carey songs played after last call by the Pour House, in an attempt to get UNC fans to leave.
2: Free tickets left at Will Call for SC8 Correspondent. The perks of working for a world-renowned media outlet are quite numerous. (Serious shoutout to Matt at @RussellAthBowl for the generosity)
0: Dollars allocated for ticket expenses by previously aforementioned media outlet
7: Minutes on a 6-person Golf Cart shuttle from The Harry Buffalo downtown to the stadium. The ride in looked much like some of the montage shots from The First 48.
82: number of beer vendors standing right inside the gate offering to help you with a beverage the moment you get inside. Touche, Russell Athletic Bowl staffing.
4: Line at kickoff (UNC favored)
80: temperature at kickoff. SC8 Weather Correspondent, Moose, was unavailable to report due to a cowbell-related illness.
82: official colors of Baylor apparel. They’re like Oregon Lite.
62: number of guys on Baylor roster with seemingly sub-4.4 speed. They’re like Oregon Lite.
1: Branch Davidian/David Koresh taunts from a very intelligent UNC fan.
1: number of folks in attendance who got the above reference.
0: Baylor first half punts. The only appearance of their punter was to draw a 5-yard penalty for running into the kicker by Carolina.
23: number of different expletives shouted by UNC fans nearby as it became clear that Baylor had no intention of passing.
0 (again): answers UNC defense had for Baylor’s refusal to throw the football
9,492: Unofficial total rush yards by the Bears in the game. We’re still waiting for confirmation of this number from UNC Sports Information. We reached out to Baylor to confirm, but their answering machine message was just a Merle Haggard song on loop.
1: Number of injuries to UNC receiver Chip Kelly, as reported and mocked by a member of the Wolfpack Radio network.
17-10: final score, according to t-shirts being sold outside stadium.
37: hours after deadline that this game story was filed to SC8 editors
Congratulations to the Baylor Bears for a solid gameplan. We’re just assuming everyone in Waco has either blinding speed or is 6’5″ and 320 lbs. Additional props to the Tar Heels for a solid season.
Promotional consideration paid for by: Uber, the Crowne Plaza Orlando, Panino’s Pizza, that Rickshaw guy who pedaled us back downtown, and the Russell Athletic Bowl.
