Headed into the Super Bowl you want your team to be in optimal condition: physically, mentally and, yes, cosmically. It is the third category we address here. No one wants their team or favorite player suffering from jinxes or curses beyond their powers to control that will hinder their performance in a big game. At the same time, one needn’t offer undue respect to half-way prophets and wannabe hexers.
This week it was suggested that rapper Lil B “invented” the Dab dance move–undoubtedly made popular to the masses by Panthers quarterback Cam Newton–back in 2010. The question arose: does Cam need to pay reverence, or even apologize, to Lil B for using his move in order to avoid the dreaded “Based God’s Curse?” We asked Really, Really Lil B (Brett Thompson) and Stat Boi (Brian Geisinger) to look at both sides in a Gr8 Deb8:
YES: Cam should apologize
by Brett Thompson
I am a huge fan of Cam. I wear a blue #1 jersey with pride on Sundays. I have a sticker of him dabbing on my laptop. I’ve watched his NFL Network mic’d up segment at least 20 times. I’m a firm believer that he currently embodies what the likable star athlete should be: Successful, exciting, fun and real. He’s about to play in the biggest game of his life: Super Bowl 50. He’s on top of the world.
It takes just one man to bring it all crashing down, and he need to make amends with that man immediately.
It’s not Roger Goodell, who actually probably really appreciates what Newton is doing for the NFL’s #brand right now. It’s not Seahawks fans, who are currently trying to ban Newton from their stadium so they never have to lose to him at home again. It’s not even John Kasay, who the team should probably avoid like the plague, just in case.
Cam needs to make things right with Lil B The Based God right now.
This fall, dabbing swept the nation by storm thanks to Migos’ banger, “Pipe It Up.” It’s a fun song and dabbing is really easy and cool, so naturally once Newton did it, everybody started doing it.
This week, Vice dropped a bombshell: Lil B might have invented the dab.
This is the biggest deal, Cam.
For those who didn’t know, Lil B is known as one of the rawest rappers alive, using an eclectic blend of sharp lyricism and sensational beats to establish himself as one of the few songbirds of this generation. His most recent mixtape, “Thugged Out Pissed Off,” was a three-disc collector’s set, a concept album that explored life on the streets of the Bay Area through Lil B’s eyes.
He’s more famous, however, for his past issue with superstar athletes.
Has Cam ever heard of Kevin Durant?
Durant was once in the conversation with LeBron James as the best player in the NBA. He even won the MVP trophy in 2014. He was well on his way to becoming the new face of basketball itself.
Then he called Lil B a “wack” rapper.
Lil B, as any sane and righteous human being would do, cursed Kevin Durant and dropped the hottest diss track of 2014 on KD. Durant missed large chunks of last season due to injury, and has been usurped by Russell Westbrook as the best player on his team as a result. He has never been the same.
Are you not convinced yet?
Enter James Harden.
Harden, like Cam, developed his own signature dance as he hit the prime of his career. Instead of dabbing, Harden did the “cooking dance” after hitting shots.
Unfortunately for Harden, Lil B invented the cooking dance IN THE SAME MUSIC VIDEO HE INVENTED THE DAB IN back in 2010. Lil B found out about this in May of 2015 and told Harden to pay respect. Harden denied awareness of The Based God’s existence, and Lil B cursed him, too. Harden’s Rockets flamed out in the Western Conference Finals.
The Based God’s Curse is real, and Newton needs to pay homage to Lil B before it’s too late. Cam has hung out with Young Jeezy and Future. He’s eaten Bojangles with DMX and Mike Epps. He’s listened to 2 Chainz in your legendary Beats by Dre commercial.
It’s time to let Lil B into his circle before it’s too late. Before the Super Bowl dream turns into a nightmare. Before Cam possibly never scores a touchdown again, and for once, think of the children when they don’t get those touchdown balls.
NO: No Band-aids for Lil B’s feelings
by Brian Geisinger
While SportsChannel8 would never want to offend a person with the cosmic reach of one Lil B, something has to be said in Cam’s defense here. This will be sweet and short, unlike a Based God record (in 2011, he released a 676-track mixtape), because I don’t want to waste too much time on this foolery. You’re the Dab Daddy, and you don’t owe anyone jack, man.
I know you’re not concerned with this comedy. Trust me, I don’t forget that you’ve stared the Sports Illustrated cover jinx in the face and laughed. You even made a made viral attempt to become the face of Madden. We all know you’re too busy hoverboarding (that’s a verb, right?) around Charlotte, and taking pictures with buddies Young Jeezy and Future before the biggest game of your life to be worried about the genesis of the dab.
Do people actually think you should be sweating where you got a certain dance from when this is your crew? Nah, homes. Nah.
If there’s any party who actually owes the Based God an apology, it would have to be the aforementioned Migos. However, I’m guessing no one really wants to start stuff with them, because this is a trio that’s not afraid to literally get in a freaking highway shootout. No, seriously.
I have no issue if Lil B wants to join the Panthers bandwagon; we welcome aboard just about anyone, especially if they have a good ear for beats and extraterrestrial powers. Steph Curry can play intermediary, too, if need be. But just to reiterate: you’ve done nothing wrong. Please continue to score touchdowns and dance and dab and laugh at fools who can’t stop you. Questions about who invited the dab may exist, but there’s no confusion surrounding who’s made it popular: that’s you, Cam. This is precisely what the kids refer to these days as #based.
Also, Cam: how quickly do you think Lil B would reverse his stance on if The Servant found his way to the Bay Area this offseason? this offseason? Just saying.
#KeepPounding, and thank you, #BasedCam.